[spring] i didn't like selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee very much, but i bought this as soon as i learned of its existence. the idea of liveblogging your life in order to force yourself to get your shit together is insane and yet i related to the neurotic, flawed concept so much i knew i would love this. and indeed, despite megan boyle being much quirkier than the types of female authors i like to read, this was such a rewarding experience. boyle's appeal as a writer is how immediate her style is, and by that i mean she sounds just like a current-day girl blogging about her life on dreamwidth or neocities, but she took the concept of blogging to its extreme as a blogger (and for the audience, as a voyeur) by writing as much as possible about her days.

the little details of life in the 2010s appealed to me very much as an elder zoomer who was fascinated with alt-lit and "indie sleaze" when i read it. most interesting is reading between the lines of boyle's agonized self-hatred, trying to figure out what's really going on with her. why is she such a mess? this question is never answered obviously but my mind reeled reading about the way her mind works. for example she kind of writes around her ex-boyfriend in a way where it is easy to glean he is a horrible person, but it seems like she doesn't even know she's being treated poorly. alongside this there is extensive talk of crazy drug use, sex, and the mysterious tao lin makes multiple cameos but what shines through is boyle's little interactions with strangers. i was sad when the book falls apart when she meets a guy who doesn't want to be written about, and surprise surprise it didn't work out, but this project could only go on for so long anyway.

although we seem to have polar opposite upbringings and social lives, i still felt like i wasn't alone in the world reading about her and that's more than i can say for a lot of books. reading so many mundane details in her life made me feel close to her and this kind of intimacy is not one i have experienced with many books i have read either. this book should be a lot more prominent in the "edgy messy female protagonist" moshfegh/plath milieu of books, and despite its length it is a easy read. i can safely say this is one of my favorite books and i would love to re-read it in a few years when it won't feel quite so close to home for me

if you've read this i highly suggest reading her follow-up self-interview here

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recommended for chaotic mid-late 20s women

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