by Bud Shaw
““She should have stopped before she got cancer,” I said. “Grab that rod, OK?” We had to wait at the traffic light to cross the street. “Can you do me a favor?” he said. “Can you be nice to your mother the rest of the time we’re together? She’s putting up a good show for us, but she doesn’t feel as good as she acts and you’re not helping matters. You understand?” Our rooms were on the other side of the pool and I was hoping my sister and brother would be swimming, but the sun was already gone behind the building. Dad stopped me by the lifeguard chair and leaned over close. “And for hell’s sake, don’t ever ask her why she didn’t quit smoking, OK?” His hand lay on my shoulder and I twisted my foot to see where the hook had stuck in me. “That’s just cruel. Do you understand that? How mean that is?” I pressed my cut foot into the solid edge of the pool and felt the release of a sharp pain shooting through the sole.”
“She should have stopped before she got cancer,” I said. “Grab that rod, OK?” We had to wait at the traffic light to cross the street. “Can you do me a favor?” he said. “Can you be nice to your mother the rest of the time we’re together? She’s putting up a good show for us, but she doesn’t feel as good as she acts and you’re not helping matters. You understand?” Our rooms were on the other side of the pool and I was hoping my sister and brother would be swimming, but the sun was already gone behind the building. Dad stopped me by the lifeguard chair and leaned over close. “And for hell’s sake, don’t ever ask her why she didn’t quit smoking, OK?” His hand lay on my shoulder and I twisted my foot to see where the hook had stuck in me. “That’s just cruel. Do you understand that? How mean that is?” I pressed my cut foot into the solid edge of the pool and felt the release of a sharp pain shooting through the sole.”
““I first contemplated murder in Pittsburgh. I was ten hours into a liver transplant on a guy from Durango, Colorado, when I wondered if I should remove the clamp and let him bleed out. It would be over in less than a minute and we could all go get breakfast and complain about burnt bacon. Worse things could happen to Mr. Durango. I could just tell his wife we’d done our best, and she’d probably thank me for it.”
“I first contemplated murder in Pittsburgh. I was ten hours into a liver transplant on a guy from Durango, Colorado, when I wondered if I should remove the clamp and let him bleed out. It would be over in less than a minute and we could all go get breakfast and complain about burnt bacon. Worse things could happen to Mr. Durango. I could just tell his wife we’d done our best, and she’d probably thank me for it.”
““I rolled onto my back. The sky had never been so blue. I thought of my pager pocketed in my scrubs on the floor and felt the brief panic that comes each time it goes off. Carol and I had become friendly strangers by then and I’d taken to masturbating in the locker room shower. I couldn’t help it. The urgency of it was strongest after the cases when someone came close to dying. I felt a kind of wildness that wasn’t so much victory as escape, thrilling escape from near death. I was a beast and I daily walked up to the brink and jumped in, ripping and tearing and slashing and screaming, always crawling out the other side reaping air and worshipping the weight of my bones. I was alive, I was well, I was strong.”
“I rolled onto my back. The sky had never been so blue. I thought of my pager pocketed in my scrubs on the floor and felt the brief panic that comes each time it goes off. Carol and I had become friendly strangers by then and I’d taken to masturbating in the locker room shower. I couldn’t help it. The urgency of it was strongest after the cases when someone came close to dying. I felt a kind of wildness that wasn’t so much victory as escape, thrilling escape from near death. I was a beast and I daily walked up to the brink and jumped in, ripping and tearing and slashing and screaming, always crawling out the other side reaping air and worshipping the weight of my bones. I was alive, I was well, I was strong.”
I'm not gonna lie, the greatest impact of this book on me is that the author writes about jacking off in the hospital showers and now I refuse to u...
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Plume
ISBN 10: 0147515335
ISBN 13: 9780147515339
