The book skews high-bourgeois, of course, but accommodates more vulgar sensibilities. Sometimes one encounters charming ruins (The Dating chapter refers to both switchboards and the Internet regarding matters of appropriate communication; every advice is gender-neutral, but most examples are highly gendered.). Nonetheless, Post keeps up with the latest societal developments (“The Thoughtful Family Member” chapter has a section devoted to the basement dweller, although more appropriately named “Adult Children in the Home” - note that this is the 2004 edition).
Norms are a useful fiction that stays invisible until you step out of it. Most of what I read was common sense until it wasn’t. The majority of “The Good Neighbor” chapter seems unhinged to me; yet when I stop and think about it, I can see how it can (maybe) work (the chapter on male dress is crazy though. I don’t think Talibans have as many rules regarding women’s dress). The reading also reframes some behaviors I have seen but couldn’t explain, and adds some new ones to my repertoire.
Depending on where you are on the US-normalized normalcy spectrum (if it even exists), this could be an exotic ethnological read or a way to become better rounded (I did pick up some good advice for situations that had always felt vaguely uneasy to me; I also visited American suburbia and its strange mores). In any case, it gives an opportunity to discover and reflect on situations one will inevitably encounter one day.
Like all manuals and guidebooks, etiquette books are all about shaping the reader. Who is the narratee Post addresses? A very silent one, that pretends not to notice any blunder, that keeps secrets, avoids indiscretions and remembers birthdays. A very gracious person, pro-social, working hard to make and support a community, very careful not to rock any boat and to preserve dignity. So an ideal, maybe a fantasy or probably, to some, a nightmare.
This is pretty different from current self-help, which usually tries to create a frame of mind to push the reader towards action. Rather, Etiquette is a collection of situations and scenarios to leaf through and muse about.